I hate when people talk.

It really irks me when you ask someone to NOT tell some one else something, you expect them to do it right? So when they do, you should have the right to smack them upside the head. I asked my stupid brother to keep his trap shut about me possibly going back to school and he can't even do that. He has to run and tell his mommy all about my business. Like it's any of hers! I swear that from now on I will not tell my family ANYTHING about my life and the minute I get out of here I am cutting them off completely. Maybe then they will learn to mind their own friggin' business!

When the rug gets pull out from under hope.

I'm an expert when it comes to having the rug of stability pulled out from under me. I'd love nothing more than to have a stable support system other than family and the few people who've proven themselves loyal over the years. I'm so tired of finding some one who gives me that stability (or the illusion of it) and then losing it when he finds something better. Yes this has been brought on by that jackass that dumped me. The self-absorbed cretin has decided to label himself with a new girlfriend and it hurts. What hurts is that stupid little nugget of hope that burns inside you, that tiny little piece that wants everything to be as it was. Right now I cannot wait for hockey season to start, at least then I will have something to live for.

What I'm finally looking for.

I have done some soul searching about what I really want in a guy. I thought I had it, but once again I was dissapointed and left heartbroken. Some of the things I want are not that earth-shattering, but are important none the less:

1. I want to be loved. Not just as a means to an end, for a little while, or until something better comes along. I want some one to love me for me, to stand by me no matter what, and to love me even when things are hard, not just when they are easy.

2. College educated. I have nothing against guys who have not attended college, but I want some one on the same intellectual level as me. I don't want to feel as though I am talking down to him or over his head.

3. I want respect. I do not want to be treated as though I do not have an mind of my own. I refuse to be talked down to.

4. Honesty. I know this one is a longshot. I want a man that is willing to be honest about his feeling on everything. I want him to be honest enough not to brush things under the rug and pretend that everything is fine, until that point where he breaks and cheats, then leaves.

5. A man that will talk! I don't want to have to suffer through trying to have a conversation and recieving only grunts and snorts in return.

6. I want to be treated as an equal, but a special equal. I want to be part of any decisions that need to be made, but I also want be treated like something special. If you are special enough for me to want to be part of your life, then treat me like that special part of yours.

7. I want my feelings to be regarded. No matter how silly they may seem to a guy, I want my feelings taken into consideration.

The idoit among us speaks.

That bane of the Shorties existance has discovered my blog and the poor baby didn't like what he read. My advice is pretty clear in my introduction: I pull no punches and exercise my first amendment rights so if you don't like it don't read it!

Idiots among us. A call to arms

My loyal readers, I write to inform you of an idiot among us in the world. This idiot is in the form and a nineteen year old male named B. L.. This said idiot is under the impression that women belong only in the kitchen, bare-foot and pregnant. He also casts stones at my profession. Though he is studying to be a teacher himself, he insists that substitute teachers are not real teachers. I beg to differ. If if wasn't for us the regular teacher would get no time off, no sick leave, and no chance for sanity. We keep the students on track and maintain order. We are real teachers with back up lesson plans and the same degrees (or better) that the regular teacher has. I call on women of the world to unite and put donkey's behinds like B.L. in their place: Under our collective boots!

Things I have had enough of.

In my life I have had my share of ups and downs and there are a few things I would like to officially say I have had enough of:
1. Being accused of being lazy. While it might seem like I spend way too much time locked in a room with my computer, I am actually quite productive. A write and edit on top of scouring the Internet for a new job. Some people I know can't realize that finding a job requires this.
2. People trying to tell me how to spend the money I earn. It's my money folks and until it becomes yours upon my demise, leave it alone! If I don't want to blow money on a life insurance thing, leave it alone. If I'm trying to save for a car, don't ask for a loan. If you want me out of your house, don't ask me to pay for your take out pizza! You want to throw me you, go ahead, but once you do, don't expect my respect. And never, ever, accuse me of trying to stick you with my bills. If I die with out that damn insurance you want me to have: dig a hole in the backyard and put me in it! I'll be dead and won't give a flying fart in space!
3. Being told I have a bad attitude. If it seems that I have a bad attitude, it's probably you. No offense, but half of the bad attitudes in the world are caused by the person doing the accusing.
4. Short jabs. I realize that I may be under what is considered normal height, but PLEASE, normal is vastly overrated. Napoleon was my size and he conquered Europe.
5. Slurs against me because I am female and where I live. We all live in an age where we should be able to argue a point without senseless name-calling and slurs. I might be a girl, but that doesn't make me a second class citizen and where I'm from no longer has any bearing on where I am going. The quickest way to end an argument is not by calling me a dumb broad, B****, or calling me a "river rat". F*** you is also not an effective way to end and argument and you only show your lack of intelligence by doing so.
6. Insult my education. By this I mean my choice in major and what I am doing with it. If you pushed me to get this degree, but aren't satisfied with where I am, LEAVE IT ALONE. You want my life so bad, try being me: you will come crawling back begging for your pathetic life.
7. Push me too far. I'm hanging on to my sanity and my will to live by a thread, push me just one inch over that line and you will be giving my eulogy.

Hello all my avid readers (sarcasm intended!)

Hello everyone! I just thought I would give you an update. I am still upset over the events mentioned in my last entry. Heartbroken is more like it, but I am taking my hurt day by day (it's all anyone can do really). I have managed to get mad a few times, but I usually end up crying. Not something I like to admit to anyone, but it's the truth, why hide it. I'm at the point where I think what he did was rather cowardly, but that's his damn problem. I've been very lucky to have friends who actually give a rat's ass about my well being, unlike a few people I can think of and for that I am grateful. I'm going to spend some time working on myself and show him EXACTLY what he is missing!

On my own.

I have just had the roughest three days of my life. The love of my life has doubts about our long relationship and after a lot of tears, no food, and no sleep, I find myself still madly in love, but unfortunately single. We agreed to keep our lines of communication open, we are each other's best friend and we want to be there for each other if there is an emergency, but he has a lot of baggage he needs to work through. I do too. He felt that while he loves me, he has the tiniest bit of doubt that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me and as long as he has that little bit of doubt it's not fair to me to keep stringing me along. It sounds fine in words and on paper, but it hurts like hell in real life. I realize that it's not all my fault, but I internalize things so much that it feels like it. Seven and a half years of love, laughs, tears, great times, bad times, silly times, and problems all boil down to three little, but agonizingly painful words, "I'm not sure". We are going to take a break, it could resolve itself in a few months or never, but I'm willing to keep things honest, open, and turn every problem and hurt over to a higher authority. Bear with me folks: I am going to be moodier, sadder, angrier at the world than I have been in a long time. That does not me I am going to badmouth him, we agreed that name-calling and finger- pointing were not the way we wanted to handle things. As much as it hurts, as sad as I am (we both are) we want to be as sensitive to the other persons feelings as we possibly can (not that this doesn't feel like the end of the world). It's going to hurt, it may never stop hurting; I may never get over this, but I have to move forward. If I don't, I might wind up hurting myself.

Things men forgot to invent, but women saved the day

We all learn of those great men who changed the world, but each invention is lacking something. Enter the women who made it what it is today!
Man might have invented the dish, but he sure expected women to wash them! Enter Josephine Garis Cochran who invented the mechanical dishwasher in 1893!
Henry Ford invented the car, but it took a lady by the name of Mary Anderson to solve the problem of seeing in the rain; inventing the windshield wiper in 1903!
Think a man invented the bullet reflecting material Kevlar? Think Again! It was created by Stephanie Louise Kwolek!
Men don't make mistakes right? Well thanks to Bette Nesmith Graham, the inventor of liquid paper, we'll never know.
These few examples just go to prove that behind every great invention there just could be a great woman, not a man! You go girls!!!

Hearts, Flowers, and Bull Crap.

The day of declaring eternal love has arrived. Phooey! I know I say this every year, but really. Hasn't it sunk in that you don't need one day of the year to tell someone you love them, do that everyday. Love really shouldn't cost a lot of money. I know men usually spend twice as much as women on Valentine's Day, but I would settle for a card from the dollar store and a new picture for my laptop background. We didn't even bother with the stupid fabric hearts and pink heart lights in the window this year. Now it is a little more than a month until the great green day of drunken stupidity.