I just don't know sometimes.

I hate when I just don't understand something or some one. I want to know how something is my fault when I don't know what I've done! I hate feeling like I have to apologize when it's not my fault. I realize he has some problems, or maybe he's just an ass, but that doesn't excuse him for swearing at me and just being rude. If you don't want to talk about something, don't swear at the person trying to change the bleeping subject like you asked! I don't like feeling confused, I've been there before, and it's no fun. I can only hope that he gets his act together or he's going to lose my time and attention forever. He's already lost some of my respect. I hope to God he gets his kit together and we can work it out. If not, it's G'day mate!

I wonder

Sometimes I just sit and wonder, or in most cases I let my mind wander. I am not trying to solve life's great mysteries, cure a deadly disease, or even how I might manage to stand up on ice skates and play hockey without killing myself. What I wonder about is love. Sometimes I wonder if it's real, if it lasts, and if it's possible to fall in love with some one so different from yourself and make it work.
By now I know what love is not, and it only took me 29 1/2 years and a half dozen failed relationships to get there. I know that when some one loves you, even if they try not to hurt your feelings, they will, and you'll do the same to them. Even if you love each other you will eventually be annoyed with each other. I guess the trick is to not let that annoyance eat you alive.
I've learned that the minute things go from normal to weird/scary: you run like hell. Cause in that split second you decide not to run, you're ass is toast and you have to fight like hell to get back to where you were. That is if you can.
I've also learned that you should trust your instincts. If you feel like something is wrong, don't brush it aside. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had just trusted my instinct that I was being cheated on, rather than pushing it aside. But love they say is blind: I say it needs corrective vision surgery.
Now what I think love is may sound sort of stupid to most people. I think it is that you care enough for a person to be willing to set aside your own dreams to make theirs come true, or at least alter your goals to make sure you are both happy. You get a sudden chest pain when you think of them being sick or hurt and would do anything (even die) in their place. When you hurt them, and you will, you didn't really mean it, and are willing to spend the rest of your life trying to make up for it.
That's what I think, now just to find out if it exists with the guy I think and dream about most often.