I'll be the first to admit that I'm a boring person. I love things that bore other people to tears, like documentaries on the Second World War, or my constant crocheting, but I like those things and I see no reason to change.
I guess I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying even though I know I shouldn't give up. I'm tired of failing even though I know that is how we learn. I've learned quite a bit about failure lately. I've failed to get the jobs I really wanted, even though I was qualified and did my best at the interviews. I've failed at relationship after relationship, walking away from one because it just wasn't right, and getting tossed aside because the other person was too scared. I really want something that doesn't seem to be happening. I thought months ago that I was finally going to have a person back in my life the way things were before, but it feels like he is only interested when I'm not available. When I am available, he doesn't know what he wants, or he wants things to stay just as they are. Sometimes I feel like I'm just good enough when there is nothing else going on or I'm a place holder while they're working on something they think is better. I'm tired of being an afterthought, last resort, or forgotten in the shuffle.
I'm also very tired of being snapped at for things that happened by accident, especially by people who aren't even around. I make one mistake in asking a question and they fly off the handle and stop talking to me. I've got news for them: you are only hurting yourself.
I know things have to change sometime, I just am so impatient for them to actually change. I'm doing what I can, but I'm so sick of appearing to stand still!
