This time death didn't surprise me

For most people death comes as a complete surprise. That guy that is walking alone along the train tracks and suddenly finds himself facing St. Peter at the pearly gates is surprised as hell to find out he got hit by the 7:15 to Oklahoma City. For others death is well planned. The cancer patients who know they cannot be cured have an acceptance that death will visit them. They arrange to meet death in a manner of their own choosing. Some have a "bucket list" to complete before they go the the hereafter. In the strange quirk that is life, death visited my family again this year. My father's mother passed away Tuesday after years of declining health. What is surprising is that I feel absolutely nothing. I'm not surprised, I knew it was coming, but I'm not really sad about it either. I'm sad for my father and all the trouble he went through in the last few months, but I'm not really broken up about it. This might be because for the vast majority of my life this woman wanted nothing to do with me. She consistently forgot birthdays, school functions, sometimes even Christmas! She would have skipped my high school graduation if my aunt and uncle hadn't picked her up. She only want something to do with my brother and me when she felt like "playing grandma". Sure she took me to a few movies and when I was sixteen she bought me a large collection of Beatles albums, but other than that she ignored me unless it was to her advantage. She knew absolutely nothing about me. She would buy me pink hideous sweaters for Christmas (two sizes too small no less) or those really ugly button up old lady blouses that should be used as rags in a auto shop. She had no idea that I loved to sew, read, watch hockey, or that I managed to earn two college degrees and become the first grandchild in my family to graduate from college. I'm damn sure that she didn't even love me, or any of her grandchildren. It really irked me one Christmas when she lavished attention on my then 2 year old cousin and only after she became bored with his antics (about five minutes after he finished opening the thirty or so presents he received) did she toss my brother and I cheesy cards with ten dollars inside. WTF!! I'm not jealous of my cousin, (how can you be jealous of a little baby who has know idea what is going on), I was pissed that she came to my house, used my Christmas tree, completely ignored me and my brother, then tossed us cards as if she were throwing scraps to a begging dog. We didn't want her money or a ton of presents at Christmas, we wanted her to pay attention to us and love us! But that was too much for her selfish ass to manage. So five years ago I replaced her. My boyfriends grandmother is everything she could never be. She is interested in what I am doing, and loves me. I don't call her my grandmother in deference to my mother's mother, she is simply Nannie. I can go talk to her when I have a problem, something she wouldn't have paid attention to (after all it wasn't about her). In my opinion, you have to earn the title of Grandma, and she never even made it out of the starting gate. I'm sorry she's dead, I'm sorry for all the pain she caused my father and the rest of the family, but you can't miss someone who was never there for you.

That date is close at hand again.

Yes folks it's that time of year again, Valentines Day is upon us and and the world has exploded in tiny paper hearts and ghastly looking paper roses. For the totally un-romantics out there, the season of vomiting has begun. Why this one day a year to show some one you love them? Shouldn't you do that every day? Tell someone you love them or show that some one that you love them more than one day a year? I will tell you what I will get this Valentines Day: I will get a box of candy, a stuffed something or other, or nothing at all. The love of my life thinks Valentine's Day is the cheesiest of all holidays and only celebrates it begrudgingly. I can barely get him to say those three little words on a normal day, why should Valentine's Day be so stinking special? Besides that, the romantic simpletons of the world can lament the fact the this year Valentine's Day fall on the same day as the Daytona 500. Simply put, I will be abandoned in order for a bunch of men to gather around a television, swill beer, and watch a bunch of cars make only left turns for five and a half hours. How exciting! I'll be perfectly happy with Feb. 15th rolls around and all the little paper cupids have gotten hypothermia and died and the candy goes to 75% off. If you enjoy this holiday, fine, but remember, it's just an excuse to jack up the prices of jewelry, candy, roses, dinner specials, and the rest of the "romantic" claptrap.