Friday, January 15, 2010
Sorry if I startled you.
Hi everyone! I have a small correction to my last entry. I was in an absolutely foul mood when I wrote that. I was lonely, tired as all get out, frustrated that I couldn't get in contact with that one person, and to top it all off: I was out of chocolate! I do appreciate me for me, and on most days I am perfectly content with being alone, but sometimes I get down on myself about myself, and it gets ugly. I do have a tendency to speak without thinking, and I am working on it, but it drives me crazy when some one gets mad and I can remember what I might have said in order to apologize for it. Trust me folks, I'm perfectly fine now, I don't have any thoughts of "harming myself", I had a good cry, raided the fridge, and fell asleep watching "The Golden Girls". I'm fine and I have started a diet to change somethings about myself that I have a problem with. Anyone know of a "diet chocolate"?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Problem One: me
I have a problem. ME. There is just something going on around me lately that worries me. I try my hardest to be likable to other people, but I wind up with more people hating me. I just don't realize that I've said something stupid until it's too late. And I wonder why I spend so much of my time alone. Even the people who love me seemed to have backed away or have abandoned me all together. I'm depressed because I have no one to lean on, and I'm too depressed to attempt to find some one to lean on. I miss the one person I have always been able to count on for the past six years. Right now he has been busy with work and I have only talked to him once in the last two weeks. I miss him like crazy and I think I'm cracking up without him. I'm so lonely and miserable, it feels like the whole world is crashing down around me.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year, New Complaints
Happy New Year folks! In honor of the new year, but not really a New Year's resolution, here is a list of things I am just not going to put up with anymore.
1. My family calling me stupid. As my two college degrees and my substitute teaching license proves, I am not stupid. I will no longer put up with the "dip" joke ( a long running gag in my family). This is where some one in the house ask where the dip is (the food item) and some one replies "she's right there". I am sick of this joke: it's not so much a joke as it is pure ignorance. When the dog was the only person in the house who seemed to care, things have got to change. From now on, if you can't find a pleasant thing to talk to me about: Don't talk to me!
2. Height jokes. Yes, I am not tall (5' 31/2"), but does every person on the planet have to mention this fact. I don't so much mind the little old ladies that say "Oh she's so tiny and cute!" or the little old man that called me "A cute little elf" this past Christmas. These people don't mean anything by it. I am talking about the self absorbed assholes who continually point out that the world was built for a much taller person. I hate the people who look a me like I have an arm growing out of the top of my head when I have to climb a shelf at the store or work to reach something. I hate people asking me "How's the weather down there?" I don't call tall people "Stretch", or "Gargantua", why should I have to put up with being called "shorty", "tetchy", "midget", "shrimp", "pee wee", "munchkin", and "rug rat". I feel like renting a billboard, putting my picture on it and writing "I AM NOT SHORT: I AM VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!"
3. Weight jokes. Now I am not a morbidly obese person, but I am not exactly a twig. I was thoroughly pissed when my mother purchased X-large pajamas for me this Christmas. The top simply does not fit at all ( I literally swim in it). It seems like every time I put something in my mouth, I get the evil eye from some one. I am tired of people staring at my ass. Not the good kind of stares either. They are most definitely the kind that scream "OH my GOD! Look how big that thing is!". Half of my problem is genetics. My mother has a really fat ass, so does the rest of my mom's side of the family (you should see my aunt and cousin). People don't realize how much that hurts a person and I just am not going to put up with anymore.
4. People putting me down because of the things I like. Let's face it: I like things that not too many other people like. I love the Three Stooges, Bing Crosby, Old Movies, reading, writing, sewing, the first snow of the season, Christmas music, John Wayne, Ernest movies, even just sitting quietly and listening to the rain, or my choice in clothing or hats. I see things differently than other people, but that is no reason to knock my point of view or to say it's stupid.
I had a gentleman tell me the other day that he absolutely loved my unique point of view of the world. Why can't more people be like that?
5. Myself. I know I often say something and simply don't realize I'm offending someone. I hate myself for it and I swear I'm going to work on it. I try so hard sometimes to be funnier than I actually am, or smarter than I actually am, and I wind up with everyone I love mad at me.
To sum it up dear reader, I am tired of feeling like crap because I happen to be a little different. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep because I feel that I've hurt the person I love more than anything in the world. I'm tired on crying because I'm different. Aw Hell! Let's face it: I'M TIRED!
1. My family calling me stupid. As my two college degrees and my substitute teaching license proves, I am not stupid. I will no longer put up with the "dip" joke ( a long running gag in my family). This is where some one in the house ask where the dip is (the food item) and some one replies "she's right there". I am sick of this joke: it's not so much a joke as it is pure ignorance. When the dog was the only person in the house who seemed to care, things have got to change. From now on, if you can't find a pleasant thing to talk to me about: Don't talk to me!
2. Height jokes. Yes, I am not tall (5' 31/2"), but does every person on the planet have to mention this fact. I don't so much mind the little old ladies that say "Oh she's so tiny and cute!" or the little old man that called me "A cute little elf" this past Christmas. These people don't mean anything by it. I am talking about the self absorbed assholes who continually point out that the world was built for a much taller person. I hate the people who look a me like I have an arm growing out of the top of my head when I have to climb a shelf at the store or work to reach something. I hate people asking me "How's the weather down there?" I don't call tall people "Stretch", or "Gargantua", why should I have to put up with being called "shorty", "tetchy", "midget", "shrimp", "pee wee", "munchkin", and "rug rat". I feel like renting a billboard, putting my picture on it and writing "I AM NOT SHORT: I AM VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!"
3. Weight jokes. Now I am not a morbidly obese person, but I am not exactly a twig. I was thoroughly pissed when my mother purchased X-large pajamas for me this Christmas. The top simply does not fit at all ( I literally swim in it). It seems like every time I put something in my mouth, I get the evil eye from some one. I am tired of people staring at my ass. Not the good kind of stares either. They are most definitely the kind that scream "OH my GOD! Look how big that thing is!". Half of my problem is genetics. My mother has a really fat ass, so does the rest of my mom's side of the family (you should see my aunt and cousin). People don't realize how much that hurts a person and I just am not going to put up with anymore.
4. People putting me down because of the things I like. Let's face it: I like things that not too many other people like. I love the Three Stooges, Bing Crosby, Old Movies, reading, writing, sewing, the first snow of the season, Christmas music, John Wayne, Ernest movies, even just sitting quietly and listening to the rain, or my choice in clothing or hats. I see things differently than other people, but that is no reason to knock my point of view or to say it's stupid.
I had a gentleman tell me the other day that he absolutely loved my unique point of view of the world. Why can't more people be like that?
5. Myself. I know I often say something and simply don't realize I'm offending someone. I hate myself for it and I swear I'm going to work on it. I try so hard sometimes to be funnier than I actually am, or smarter than I actually am, and I wind up with everyone I love mad at me.
To sum it up dear reader, I am tired of feeling like crap because I happen to be a little different. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep because I feel that I've hurt the person I love more than anything in the world. I'm tired on crying because I'm different. Aw Hell! Let's face it: I'M TIRED!
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