Thanksgiving- Terror of the family reunion

For most people it would be Un-American not to like or celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean who really doesn’t love the turkey and all its sidekicks, and the thrill of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, but how many people actually enjoy spending more than four hours with their extended family. I’m pretty sure that 75% of all police calls on the fourth Thursday in November are caused by families. The other 25% are caused by the morons who never learned about liquid displacement and drop frozen turkeys into full vats of boiling oil. In my case, family would not be a problem if I was from a family of mutes, but no one on earth could be that lucky. My problem deals with the fact that I have never really managed to do much of anything to make my family could approve of. I have aunts who wish I would be more feminine than I really am and have often stated (and I quote) “If she were only more like a girl she would have found a husband by now.” Then there is the quad-annual but chewing by my folks for what else “not living up to their expectations!” Go figure. My advice to all the folks that are in my shoes: SPEND THANKSGIVING ALONE: GIVING THANKS THAT YOUR ALONE! Either that or take an enormous sedative and skip the day completely. At any rate Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good family fight!