Fashion rules

I don't proclaim to be a great fashion guru, after all I own and wear a hat that most people call "THE HAT" or "THE LAMPSHADE", but their are a few rules that I do know:

1. If your rear end is the size of Montana (and I don't mean Hannah) say no to stripped pants of any kind.

2. If your bust is the size of a automobile airbag, say no to the tube top.

3. If your rear end is the size of Alaska (probably from consuming to much baked Alaska), say no to the thong PLEASE! no one really wants to think about the amount of elastic and straining it took to get that thing over your hips!

4. If you are over 55, say no to wearing a bikini. If people want to see a scantily clad skeleton, they will go to the local morgue.

5. If you are a large person, please wear clothes made for your size. NO one really wants to see a size 45 try and squeeze themselves into a size 15 skirt. I don't think the skirt can take anyway.

6. If you have to wear matchy-matchy clothes, say no to day-glo colors. I can't imagine a more disturbing sight than to see a bright orange object coming towards me. It's like a traffic cone or something.

Finally:

7. If you are going to wear jewlery, please keep it toned down. Too many necklaces and rings makes it look as though you have just robbed a pawn shop.



Again, I do not claim to be a fashion guru or anything of the kind, but I have noticed the tendancy for people to dress like ciricus freaks.